This morning, I woke up extremely groggy and didn't want to go to school at all. I just felt really, neutral, I guess would be a better word for it. I decided to just go with the flow. But my main issue, was deciding how I wanted to get to school. As always, I had to choose between [[riding with my mom]], [[risking it with my dad]], or simply [[riding the bus]].
Honestly, I think my mom was the best option since she was the calm one of the parents so, I ended up catching a ride with her. I loved when my mom took me to school since she'd always take me to eat breakfast, even if it made me late. This morning she was a bit indecisive. She smiled at me and asked, "Do you want [[donuts]], [[pancakes]], or [[muffins]]?As much as I hate it, I guess I should go ask my dad if he can take me to school. I knew he was mad this morning, so I had to be careful. I could either just knock on the door and try to [[wake him up gently]], or go back to my other options. My dad being the way he is, [[riding with my mom]], and [[riding the bus]] sounds way better than poking this bear.Every day it was the same mess. I don't know why I thought today would be different. Isabelle and Karina constantly bullied me. I had decided that if they did it again today, I was going to do something extreme. I tried talking to people online but the only thing they came up with was [[suicide]], or dealing with the girls [[with my own hands]]. What to do, what to do. I guess it's up to me to decide. I wish I had friends..."Y'know. Sorry if you don't want any, but I've been craving donuts," said my mom. After the life she's had, she deserved to be able to eat whatever she wanted. "Sure, mom. I'd love some donuts. Ooh some nice hot chocolate too." While we drove over to Shipley's, I saw that mom kept looking at the time. "You okay, Mom?" Mom quickly looked at me and smiled nervously. "Of course, darling. It's just.. I need to get back home to make your dad breakfast." I got a bit sad, but I suggested that we ordered the donuts to go so she could just drop me off at another bus stop. " Don't worry, Mom. I'll run to catch it if I have to." A few minutes later, I felt selfish, but I wished my mom would have just dropped me off at school instead. That would have been way better than [[riding the bus]].My mom was shaking a bit, I figured my dad had beat her the night before. "Pancakes would be fine, Mom". I couldn't help but feel bad for her shaking. It was my fault my dad hit her last night. I had accidentally dropped a fork while I was eating with my mom. He thought it was her, so he yelled and hit her and made me watch. "I've actually been in the mood for Dennys", Mom said. We drove over to Dennys and sat at a booth. She asked me questions about school and my grades. I figured since it was just her here with me, I didn't have to lie. After I told her about people bullying me and the teachers not caring, she broke down and started crying. "I just wish I could have given you a [[better life]]. "Blueberry muffins sound really great right now mom!" We drove down to the coffee shop 2 streets down and ordered some muffins. My mom ordered a banana nut muffin with some coffee. "Hun, I have to go to work so I don't get fired. How about I drop you off at the next bus stop on your route? I'm sure you can catch the bus." I hated the thought of [[riding the bus]], but I had to. My dad wouldn't like finding out that my mom got fired. I hope people give me a break today. After I finished my muffin, Mom dropped me off at the elementary school near us so my bus could pick me up.*Knock knock knock* "Oh no. What did I do??", I thought as I tried running from the door. I thought I had smelled alcohol, even through the door. I guess he went out last night. I was scared, if my dad was [[drunk]], I'm sure he'd beat me like last time. The only other explanation would be if my mom [[accidentally spilled beer]] while she tried cleaning the bottles up last night.He was definitely drunk. He came out screaming with a bottle in hand. "Don't you know better than to wake me up, girl?" I hid under my blankets in fear, "I'm sorry dad. I just needed to get to school. I forgot you were drinking." *I should have not said that...* "What? Are you calling me an alcoholic? You know what? Get over here!" I tried staying quiet, as if my dad didn't know where I was. He eventually stammered into my room and pulled the sheets off. I didn't hate my mom for just watching. I could hear her yelling, but I knew it would be best if she didn't get involved. I didn't want her to get hurt. Even after dealing with this for years, I could not stand [[getting beat]]. Mom did spill some beer, but when dad got up, I saw that he was clearly still [[drunk]]. I hate living here. I hate it so damn much.Of course. I knew it would lead to this. I'm tired of my dad always beating me and my mom. I hate him so much. It's not like we can leave this place, dad wouldn't allow it. All that was left now was deciding how to do it. My best friend hung her self last year, so maybe I could go buy a rope and [[copy Jessica]], or should I do the common stupid thing and [[take some pills]]? It didn't matter. We all know how this is going to end. I wrote the note already and left it in my mom's purse. Hopefully she reads it before my dad gets his hands on it. "I'm sorry mom and dad. I'm sorry I let you down." That was how I ended my note. While writing it, I couldn't help but think of my favorite line from a Brand New song. "*...the truth, is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize, for bleeding on your shirt*". Yep. They did it. As soon as I got on the bus, they all threw tomatoes at me. A few others had rocks. I couldn't handle this anymore. I picked up a rock and walked over to where Isabelle and Karina were sitting. " You guys have made my school life seem like hell. Actually, hell seems like a better option." I tightened my grip on the rock, and hit Isabelle hard on the side of the head. I was shocked. Was this really me that hit her? I felt everyone's eyes on me. I felt empowered. I couldn't stop now. I was going to get in deep trouble anyway. I went ahead and hit Isabelle over and over until there was blood on the rock. I knew someone had called the police, so I had to run soon. But i couldn't forget about little Karina. I looked over at her, smiled, and stood really close to her face. "Hello Karina. I didn't see you there." *Bam* The rock hit her temple and knocked her out immediately.After running off the bus, I didn't know what to do next. I could let the cops catch me and [[rot in jail]], or run home and commit [[suicide]]. Nobody loves me anyway.In memory of my best friend, I ended up choosing to hanging myself. This is going to be tough. I hate hurting myself. I knew my dad had a rope, since he sometimes liked to tie me and my mom up when he decided to have his way with us. I quietly went to the closet where he keeps the thick, long rope. I pulled a chair over to my room and tied the rope to the ceiling fan and made the noose. I guess the knot tying skills I learned as a kid are finally good for something. I'm ready to go now. I stepped up on the chair and put my head through the rope and wiped tears from my face. I wish it didn't have to be like this, but it's the only choice. I took one last breath and kicked the chair over. Since my dad was a horrible person, it was easy to get some beer from my dad. I wasn't going to be stupid and just take the pills alone. It might not kill me if I do it like that. I waited until my mom left for work so I could take the pills from the cabinet. Mixing pills with alcohol. The two things I hate the most. I guess if I'm going to do something horrible, I might as well make myself suffer. I deserve to suffer. Everyone knows that. Here we go. Goodbye. I tried running, but the cops found me. I thought I was being smart by hiding at a construction sight, but some nosy old man saw me and called the cops. They ran after me and eventually arrested me. "I never meant to kill anyone'', I told them. I sobbed as they carried me to their patrol car. I knew I was going to spend my life in jail, so I just cried until they did all the paper work and plopped me down. Over the next few weeks, I went to court and it was settled that I was to spend 50 years in jail. I knew I wouldn't care to get out at the age of 68, so I let people take advantage of me in prison and eventually wanted to end my life. I remembered Jessica and how much she meant to me, so the way I decided to kill myself, was doing it the way she did. I was going to [[copy Jessica]].His fists came down so fast and he nearly threw up on me, but I managed to move out of the way. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again! Please stop", I yelled through my tears. He showed no mercy. I yelled for my mother, but she was gone. My dad saw that she was trying to sneak in to save me, but he punched her in the face and on the way down, her head hit the desk. Believe it or not, she stopped breathing. After what seemed like ages, my dad grew tired and drank more of his beer. I was left shaking on my blood stained bed with a swollen body. *I have to [[end this]]*, I thought. My dad was fast asleep on the sofa; his snoring gave it away. I found my way into his room and walked into the closet. My mom told me she found a safe in there, but didn't know what was inside. I was very good at figuring out codes, so I decided to give it a shot. After 5 failed attempts, i decided to try "4-3-2-1", and it opened. I was surprised to have found a gun. *I haven't shot once since I was 5*. I think I can still manage to kill him. I made sure there were bullets inside, and prepared the gun for shooting. I crept over behind him, pointed the gun at his head, and shot. I shot a total of 5 times until I knew he was dead. Finally. But now what? Mom is gone. The only person that cared for me is gone. Am i really [[on my own]] now?
In the safe, there was also money. A few thousand dollars that my dad stole from my mom's stash, plus a few hundred I had saved up. I decided to apply for a job and keep the safe for it. I ran to the woods and ended up sleeping there until I made some friends and left the country. As for the bodies, nobody found out what had happened to them. I often saw police reports on them, but they couldn't find the murderer, or the missing daughter. Only my 2 friends knew what I had done, and they were protecting me. I had a complete make over and never got caught. I started my life, *my real life*. " Well Mom, the only problems we have all involve Dad." My mom then looked at me with an angry face and said, "Don't you dare say that. You know what would happen if he heard you?!" She then looked down at the menu because she knew I was right. I grabbed my mom's hand and whispered, "Mom. He isn't here. Don't you see that we would be better off without him?" The waitress took our order shortly after. "Mom, why don't we just run away? I mean, you said you have money right?" " Darling, it's not that simple. Your dad stole my money. All of it. I'm broke. We have nowhere to go, anyway." My mom stared down at the plate of pancakes which finally arrived. "Mom. We could just drive somewhere very far away. Let's do it. We'll find a new job for you, and a new school for me. It'll be great! I made a pocket in my shoe and hid a few hundred dollar bills in there. We have enough to just drive to another state then we'll [[figure it out]] from there. When the food arrived, Mom told me about a few ideas that she once had. Apparently, my dad didn't start drinking until I was born. After I cried and apologized, she assured me that it wasn't really my fault. It was his own fault for knocking her up and not being prepared for being a father. I played with my pancakes, feeling down, but then I finally believed that it wasn't my fault. While we were eating, my mom fed me some food and we talked about where we'd want to go. We decided to drive to California because she knows a woman over there whom she once used to be friends with. It would take about a day to drive to San Diego from Houston, but it would be worth it. After my mom paid for the food with the 30 dollars she had left, we set off to California. We didn't dare tell anyone in case they told my dad. This was it. Just like the recurring dream I always have. I looked over at my mom and I saw her smile. I swear the smile was genuine. For once, my mom was smiling a real smile. We were both ready to live the [[Dream life]].
It was the best thing ever. I often find myself daydreaming about this, but this time it was real. Or at least, as real as it would get. My mother and I, alone, without my father abusing us. I wonder how long this would last. *This is just a dream*, I thought, *but it's still better than being [[Home]]*.